25 February 2007
Making Your Resolutions a Reality
01/03/07 20:12 |
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We
kick off every New Year with declarations that we
refer to as “New Year’s Resolutions”. The intention
is to motivate ourselves to pursue new goals and even
re-visit previous ones from years past that may have
gone unaccomplished. Our resolutions are often
retrospective of past decisions (or lack thereof) and
our desire to make better ones in the year ahead. We
tend to be very specific when articulating what areas
of our life that we want to make improvements, such
as career advancement, financial prosperity,
spiritual enlightenment, etc. I’ve come to
learn that it is just as important that we are as
specific as to how we plan to put these plans into
motion, as well. Many times, what makes the
difference between making resolutions and actually
conquering them is proper planning. Once you’ve
actually mapped out the plan, understand that the
real challenge comes into play when trying to remain
focused and persevere throughout. Staying focused can
be a challenge for even the most disciplined of us.
The more disciplined you become, the bigger the tests
and distractions you will be confronted with. How
many times have you begun a task and failed to see it
come to fruition because we lost sight of the vision
or began to fall short on self-motivation? Roll
up your sleeves and get prepared to do the work.
Hope this helps….
UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF VISUALIZATION.
Once you have focused on exactly what it is that you are trying to achieve, you have to be a visionary and literally visualize yourself as what you aspire to be. For example, instead of thinking “I am going to be an actress”, begin to think, “I AM an actress”. There’s power in words and I’m a firm believer that you can “Speak” your goals into existence.
On a deeper level, I will give you a few examples of how the power of visualization can take certain goals to the next level.
Visualization and your relationships…
In your relationship, you cannot be double-minded in your existence and expect your relationship to be consistent with what you envision it to be. Why? Because you are not living the truth you speak. Let me give you an example: Many of us speak very clearly about the type of mate or relationship that we seek to have. We are seemingly so clear with our “wish list” of what our ideal mate will bring to the table. The crazy part is that we are often staring those very same qualities in the face of a lover that we may or may not realize is/could be the ideal mate we claim we are seeking. Often times we aren’t recognizing it because we, ourselves, are not projecting that in which we envision or are expecting of the other person. If you want a healthy, loving relationship, then you must first be a healthy and willing participant yourself. In the past, I have been guilty of subconsciously asking for what I was not truly prepared to receive nor willing to honestly give. I had a tendency to get involved, but would place these “invisible” boundaries of how much I would be willing to relinquish to my partner, which in turn, is a contradiction to the type of relationship I would expect. The point is that you can’t envision being a part of a dedicated relationship if you cannot visualize yourself as a dedicated partner first.
Visualization and Your Families…
The same thing applies in creating goals for our families. How can you say that you want to be a better parent when you won’t even make the effort to be a better spouse? Think about what a contradiction it is to claim that you aspire to love your children better when you are mistreating or disrespecting the union you share with their mother/father? If you are aspiring to strengthen your family unit, then you have to envision it and visualize it.
Visualization and Your Friendships….
The bottom line is that you cannot expect authentic results if you aren’t willing to be truly authentic in your efforts. How can you that you want to surround yourself with people that will be “real” with you when you won’t even take off your own mask? Come on, now. If one of your objectives is to nurture and strengthen the bond you have within your friendships, then you cannot expect that to come to fruition if your actions aren’t consistent with that. For example, practice being as forthright with friends about things that make you uncomfortable. If you are having a disagreement with a friend or disagree with a friend about something, trust that your friendship can handle adversity and speak truth to your friend as to what your issue is. Take your friendships to another level by refusing to be grudgeful and allowing resentment to chip away at your bond. If your typical response/approach is to be passive-aggressive (example : sulking, silent treatment) with a friends when you have an issue with them, then you are not promoting growth within your friendships. To build better friendships, you have to first BE a better one. Quite simply, you have to “be” what you state you want.
Visualization and Finances…(this one’s specifically for you shop-a-holics!)
Another example is our never-ending journey to obtain financial freedom while we struggle and continue to battle with our obsession with material things. We are acutely aware that we have financial obligations, so we kick off each new year with a resolution that professes a new-found commitment to getting ourselves on the right track to financial freedom. Newsflash, folks: There is no freedom in being a slave to the latest fashion trends. You must be proactive and aggressive with helping yourself. SO WHAT if Barney’s is having a mega sale? You don’t need anything! The new Nordstrom circular has arrived in your mailbox…right along with the Sprint bill that you know you are struggling to pay. (SIDENOTE: If you actually have to debate WHICH one of the two you will be tossing into the trash can before opening, then you have serious issues) If and when you shop, train yourself to pre-meditate and plan a list that includes only the necessities. It’s called “target-shopping”, which forces you to adhere to the list of necessities and nothing more. Note to self: The latest Gucci boot is not a necessity. Those Christian Laboutin stilletos are not a must-have, especially when the idea of this little thing called “rent” becomes a constant source of confusion for you from month to month. This tactic may also require some substituting of higher-end items and labels for more cost-efficient ones. You have to actually retrain yourself to thinking more practically. (example: Think “Marshall’s” instead of “Barneys”) And ladies, Sephora is not the end-all to getting your glam products. Keep in mind that there was a life before Sephora (hence, your local drugstore!), so get a grip and get back to the basics. Believe me, no one’s going to turn you away from the club if you suddenly swap your Dior lip glosses for Revlon. (Halle even wears it!!) You won’t suddenly become a social outcast if your label reads “H&M” , rather than “Marc Jacobs.“ (Who knows?.. Who cares?!) If you are going to set goals, then be realistic in knowing what you can and cannot afford to do. If you are committing yourself to becoming more disciplined, then simply ban yourself from compulsive shopping trips. Hence, no more “dropping in” just to browse the racks. Please let’s be clear that the idea is not to push you into self-deprivation mode, but the idea is to think “I AM SELF-DISCIPLINED”. I am speaking to you as a reformed shop-a-holic and a person who has been known to over-indulge in her day. Been there and done that ; got the hat and the t-shirt and can tell you that there’s absolutely nothing fabulous about deceiving yourself. Besides, somehow the words “fabulous” and “broke” just don’t seem to flow well in the same sentence! Envision yourself as the financially responsible person you aspire to be.
DON’T DWELL ON YOUR PAST MISTAKES.
When voice of doubt begins to creep in and overwhelm you by reminding you of mistakes past, face-forward and refer to your past errors-in-judgment as points of reference, rather than character flaws. If you find yourself constantly subscribing to the “Shoulda-, Coulda-Woulda’s“, then you will get stuck in a holding pattern of self-pity and discouragement. It will cause you to divert your focus from what you’re trying to achieve by making you feel as though you can correct the past, which is gone forever. There’s no time for looking back…you’ve got work to do!
TAKE INVENTORY OF THE PEOPLE IN YOUR INNER CIRCLE.
Take an inventory of the “fixtures” (friendships, interests, affiliations) that are currently in your life and be prepared to do an overhaul, if necessary. Every area needs maintenance checks, including friendships. I do periodic “makeovers” that I sometimes refer to as “cleaning house”. I enforce a strict “NO NAY-SAYERS” policy in my camp, which simply means that even if you don’t understand my goals, you must be respectful and supportive. Stop making excuses for deadbeat “friends”. When you become focused and disciplined, everything and everyone in your personal space begins to matter more. You become very sensitive to energy that surrounds you, so if you are surrounded by negative people, then you can become distracted by their negativity. In turn, they become a liability to you because they can put you in a position to miss your blessings. Remember, the more you stand to gain, the more you stand to lose. If there is someone in your cipher that has proven to be dead weight or is constantly dragging your energy down, then it is an absolute must that they MUST GO…Period.
LET YOUR LIFE DECISIONS REFLECT YOUR HEART’S DESIRES.
Examples: When you decide to settle into a relationship, do so with a person that truly speaks to your heart, rather than settle because you simply fear being alone. As for career, if you are given the opportunity to pursue your passion but are afraid that other’s will find it impractical or less lucrative, then your life is being ruled by fear. TRUST YOURSELF TO KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU! Whether it may be cosmetic surgery, changing career paths, dissolving a relationship, cultivating a new one, or overhauling your image, don’t let fear or judgment of others be the deciding factor as to if you follow your heart’s desire. Self-preservation tip: Do not ask others for their permission to pursue your dreams. It’s equivalent to asking another person for permission to be happy.
CELEBRATE THE SMALL VICTORIES ALONG THE WAY.
Regardless of how small the goal, it is a goal nonetheless, so give yourself credit when you knock one out. It’s important that you don’t discredit it or underestimate it’s impact on your progress. In fact, tackling the smaller feats and working your way up to the more challenging ones can give you the incentive and motivation for what’s lies ahead and also builds confidence along the way. No small feat should go unrecognized. Remember, you have to become your own cheerleader!
IN CLOSING
Rather than look to the mistakes that were made in 2006, give yourself credit for simply surviving them! You’ve been given a brand new year to do whatever you feel you need to.
DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR LIFE. SPEAK YOUR DREAMS INTO EXISTENCE. BE ABSOLUTE. CLAIM IT. RUN WITH IT. OWN IT…
AND MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR IT.
I am whomever and whatever I aspire to be.
Keisha
The truth is that there is really no need for a New Year’s resolution to be declared every year if you simply begin to live your every day life in way that reflects the life you aspire to. The best inspiration to keep you moving toward your goals is to live by example.
Hope this helps….
UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF VISUALIZATION.
Once you have focused on exactly what it is that you are trying to achieve, you have to be a visionary and literally visualize yourself as what you aspire to be. For example, instead of thinking “I am going to be an actress”, begin to think, “I AM an actress”. There’s power in words and I’m a firm believer that you can “Speak” your goals into existence.
On a deeper level, I will give you a few examples of how the power of visualization can take certain goals to the next level.
Visualization and your relationships…
In your relationship, you cannot be double-minded in your existence and expect your relationship to be consistent with what you envision it to be. Why? Because you are not living the truth you speak. Let me give you an example: Many of us speak very clearly about the type of mate or relationship that we seek to have. We are seemingly so clear with our “wish list” of what our ideal mate will bring to the table. The crazy part is that we are often staring those very same qualities in the face of a lover that we may or may not realize is/could be the ideal mate we claim we are seeking. Often times we aren’t recognizing it because we, ourselves, are not projecting that in which we envision or are expecting of the other person. If you want a healthy, loving relationship, then you must first be a healthy and willing participant yourself. In the past, I have been guilty of subconsciously asking for what I was not truly prepared to receive nor willing to honestly give. I had a tendency to get involved, but would place these “invisible” boundaries of how much I would be willing to relinquish to my partner, which in turn, is a contradiction to the type of relationship I would expect. The point is that you can’t envision being a part of a dedicated relationship if you cannot visualize yourself as a dedicated partner first.
Visualization and Your Families…
The same thing applies in creating goals for our families. How can you say that you want to be a better parent when you won’t even make the effort to be a better spouse? Think about what a contradiction it is to claim that you aspire to love your children better when you are mistreating or disrespecting the union you share with their mother/father? If you are aspiring to strengthen your family unit, then you have to envision it and visualize it.
Visualization and Your Friendships….
The bottom line is that you cannot expect authentic results if you aren’t willing to be truly authentic in your efforts. How can you that you want to surround yourself with people that will be “real” with you when you won’t even take off your own mask? Come on, now. If one of your objectives is to nurture and strengthen the bond you have within your friendships, then you cannot expect that to come to fruition if your actions aren’t consistent with that. For example, practice being as forthright with friends about things that make you uncomfortable. If you are having a disagreement with a friend or disagree with a friend about something, trust that your friendship can handle adversity and speak truth to your friend as to what your issue is. Take your friendships to another level by refusing to be grudgeful and allowing resentment to chip away at your bond. If your typical response/approach is to be passive-aggressive (example : sulking, silent treatment) with a friends when you have an issue with them, then you are not promoting growth within your friendships. To build better friendships, you have to first BE a better one. Quite simply, you have to “be” what you state you want.
Visualization and Finances…(this one’s specifically for you shop-a-holics!)
Another example is our never-ending journey to obtain financial freedom while we struggle and continue to battle with our obsession with material things. We are acutely aware that we have financial obligations, so we kick off each new year with a resolution that professes a new-found commitment to getting ourselves on the right track to financial freedom. Newsflash, folks: There is no freedom in being a slave to the latest fashion trends. You must be proactive and aggressive with helping yourself. SO WHAT if Barney’s is having a mega sale? You don’t need anything! The new Nordstrom circular has arrived in your mailbox…right along with the Sprint bill that you know you are struggling to pay. (SIDENOTE: If you actually have to debate WHICH one of the two you will be tossing into the trash can before opening, then you have serious issues) If and when you shop, train yourself to pre-meditate and plan a list that includes only the necessities. It’s called “target-shopping”, which forces you to adhere to the list of necessities and nothing more. Note to self: The latest Gucci boot is not a necessity. Those Christian Laboutin stilletos are not a must-have, especially when the idea of this little thing called “rent” becomes a constant source of confusion for you from month to month. This tactic may also require some substituting of higher-end items and labels for more cost-efficient ones. You have to actually retrain yourself to thinking more practically. (example: Think “Marshall’s” instead of “Barneys”) And ladies, Sephora is not the end-all to getting your glam products. Keep in mind that there was a life before Sephora (hence, your local drugstore!), so get a grip and get back to the basics. Believe me, no one’s going to turn you away from the club if you suddenly swap your Dior lip glosses for Revlon. (Halle even wears it!!) You won’t suddenly become a social outcast if your label reads “H&M” , rather than “Marc Jacobs.“ (Who knows?.. Who cares?!) If you are going to set goals, then be realistic in knowing what you can and cannot afford to do. If you are committing yourself to becoming more disciplined, then simply ban yourself from compulsive shopping trips. Hence, no more “dropping in” just to browse the racks. Please let’s be clear that the idea is not to push you into self-deprivation mode, but the idea is to think “I AM SELF-DISCIPLINED”. I am speaking to you as a reformed shop-a-holic and a person who has been known to over-indulge in her day. Been there and done that ; got the hat and the t-shirt and can tell you that there’s absolutely nothing fabulous about deceiving yourself. Besides, somehow the words “fabulous” and “broke” just don’t seem to flow well in the same sentence! Envision yourself as the financially responsible person you aspire to be.
DON’T DWELL ON YOUR PAST MISTAKES.
When voice of doubt begins to creep in and overwhelm you by reminding you of mistakes past, face-forward and refer to your past errors-in-judgment as points of reference, rather than character flaws. If you find yourself constantly subscribing to the “Shoulda-, Coulda-Woulda’s“, then you will get stuck in a holding pattern of self-pity and discouragement. It will cause you to divert your focus from what you’re trying to achieve by making you feel as though you can correct the past, which is gone forever. There’s no time for looking back…you’ve got work to do!
TAKE INVENTORY OF THE PEOPLE IN YOUR INNER CIRCLE.
Take an inventory of the “fixtures” (friendships, interests, affiliations) that are currently in your life and be prepared to do an overhaul, if necessary. Every area needs maintenance checks, including friendships. I do periodic “makeovers” that I sometimes refer to as “cleaning house”. I enforce a strict “NO NAY-SAYERS” policy in my camp, which simply means that even if you don’t understand my goals, you must be respectful and supportive. Stop making excuses for deadbeat “friends”. When you become focused and disciplined, everything and everyone in your personal space begins to matter more. You become very sensitive to energy that surrounds you, so if you are surrounded by negative people, then you can become distracted by their negativity. In turn, they become a liability to you because they can put you in a position to miss your blessings. Remember, the more you stand to gain, the more you stand to lose. If there is someone in your cipher that has proven to be dead weight or is constantly dragging your energy down, then it is an absolute must that they MUST GO…Period.
LET YOUR LIFE DECISIONS REFLECT YOUR HEART’S DESIRES.
Examples: When you decide to settle into a relationship, do so with a person that truly speaks to your heart, rather than settle because you simply fear being alone. As for career, if you are given the opportunity to pursue your passion but are afraid that other’s will find it impractical or less lucrative, then your life is being ruled by fear. TRUST YOURSELF TO KNOW WHAT’S BEST FOR YOU! Whether it may be cosmetic surgery, changing career paths, dissolving a relationship, cultivating a new one, or overhauling your image, don’t let fear or judgment of others be the deciding factor as to if you follow your heart’s desire. Self-preservation tip: Do not ask others for their permission to pursue your dreams. It’s equivalent to asking another person for permission to be happy.
CELEBRATE THE SMALL VICTORIES ALONG THE WAY.
Regardless of how small the goal, it is a goal nonetheless, so give yourself credit when you knock one out. It’s important that you don’t discredit it or underestimate it’s impact on your progress. In fact, tackling the smaller feats and working your way up to the more challenging ones can give you the incentive and motivation for what’s lies ahead and also builds confidence along the way. No small feat should go unrecognized. Remember, you have to become your own cheerleader!
IN CLOSING
Rather than look to the mistakes that were made in 2006, give yourself credit for simply surviving them! You’ve been given a brand new year to do whatever you feel you need to.
DECIDE WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR LIFE. SPEAK YOUR DREAMS INTO EXISTENCE. BE ABSOLUTE. CLAIM IT. RUN WITH IT. OWN IT…
AND MAKE NO APOLOGIES FOR IT.
I am whomever and whatever I aspire to be.
Keisha
The truth is that there is really no need for a New Year’s resolution to be declared every year if you simply begin to live your every day life in way that reflects the life you aspire to. The best inspiration to keep you moving toward your goals is to live by example.
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